Please someone read this :'( ?

It sounds like you have OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder). It can take many forms, not just the constant washing of the hands. You can have obsessions without compulsions. After I had my son I had CONSTANT obsessive thoughts about something happening to him. They are called intrusive thoughts. You imagine the worst possible thing that could happen and your mind fixates on it. The more you try not to think about it, the stronger the thoughts become. I would highly recommend seeing a psychiatrist that specializes in cognitive behavior therapy. They will be able to help you learn ways of dealing with your intrusive thoughts. Self help books can sometimes be a really good thing, too. It helped me just reading a few of them, just having a name for the disorder, knowing I wasn't insane or alone, and learning a few ways to deal with it. "The Imp of the Mind" by Lee Baer is a wonderful book. Also, check out the sites below for more information on the subject. The first is a great site that can direct you to resources in your area. Best wishes!!